4th blog for social psy: Pregnancy - is there equity and fairness?

A columnist was discussing with his female friend about another mutual friend who was about to deliver her firstborn and whether they themselves would like to have children too. The columnist’s friend became agitated about how women are the ones who have to carry the baby and endure the pain from childbirth. No matter how hard the columnist tried to defend the men, there was no way he could win the argument as men could not give birth and thus could never match the sacrifices women have to make.

The columnist also lamented that while most dutiful husbands would be willing to do things such as giving massages and tag along for clinic appointments to fulfil their fatherly obligations and also to show gratitude to their wives, it was unclear whether women appreciated what their husbands did for them. Many females would expect men to be at their beck and call when they are pregnant and at the same time think of these tasks as “the least he can do”. It was said that women couldn’t really cherish what the men do if they think of these efforts as only minimal. And so the columnist appealed to women to cut men some slack as they are the fathers of their children and not slaves.

Close relationships between couples comprise some amount of interdependence: a sharing of contributions and outcomes. Two people see themselves as a unit, sharing in the costs and rewards of each other’s end results. Sometimes, people act in ways that are favourable to their companions even if they themselves have to pay a price. In the long term, they will reap the gains put into their partners.

Benefits are supplied in 2 ways. In an exchange relationship, partners partake in an equal exchange of favours. In communal relationships, likely to be between romantic partners or family members, benefits are given or taken when needed with no strings attached.

Satisfaction with a relationship may be judged by how fair it is, regardless of its type. Equity theory explains the idea of perceived fairness or balance in interpersonal relationships. An equitable relationship is one where both partners perceive that they are receiving comparatively similar outcomes. Equity is rather special in communal relationships as the benefits each partner contributes may vary widely, depending on each person’s needs and abilities. Inequity correlates with misery and discontentment.

When a woman gets pregnant, she may perceive herself as contributing greatly by providing her body and nourishment to carry the baby for 9 mths and suffer from physical changes and pain. Thus, she might expect hubby to be at her disposal to make up for her costs. From her viewpoint, there is imbalance and hubby needs to put in great efforts to make her happy. Hubby might gladly do what he can to satisfy her needs. However, whatever he does would never be enough. Hubby might start to feel strained as he contributes more and more and feels an imbalance in a different way.

As a female, I feel that being pregnant is a huge sacrifice and found myself agreeing with the other women mentioned by the columnist as I read his article. Of course every woman wants to be pampered! Come to think of it, men contribute in different ways too. If I have a child, I wouldn’t want to feel underbenefited (end results are less than what is deserved) all the time, thinking that my husband owe me something. Life would be happier with an equitable relationship. Remind me to count my blessings and be thankful for my spouse in future!